on intermarriage

[balmofgilead]

http://www.bangitout.com/torah41.html (about intermarriage)

The problem, as I see it: he says that "Jewishness is who you are, not what you do. There is no such thing as one Jew who is more Jewish than another. Whether you practice Jewish customs or not, keep the festivals or not, live in Israel or not, eat sushi or not, a Jew is a Jew is a Jew. Jewishness is an irreversible status that is not defined by how you live your life." (emphasis mine)

Jewishness*, seen that way, is no longer a religion. It becomes a culture or an ethnicity. Why should someone feel obligated to marry within his/her ethnic group? The idea that marrying outside of one's ethnicity is innately wrong seems narrowminded and, for lack of a better term, racist.

If someone prefers to marry within his/her own ethnic group, that seems fine to me. There are legitimate reasons to want that: there's a shared backround and culture, and if you feel strongly about your culture, you may want a partner who shares the same culture. The same thing, of course, makes sense for religion: if you feel very strongly about your religious beliefs and practices, it makes sense to choose a partner who shares those beliefs.

But I don't think anyone has adequately defended why uncommited Jews should (or "must", in their opinion, or are obligated to) marry other Jews.

I think a lot of people hint at Jewishness being some metaphysical characteristic rather than an ethnic or religious characteristic, and that really doesn't sit well with me. No one's saying it explicitly here, but I've seen claims of a similar sort. At some point in my education, I remember it being mentioned that various biblical babies wouldn't or shouldn't nurse from nonjewish women because this would harm them in some metaphysical way (though the word "metaphysical" wasn't used.) I was also told that eating bugs (which Jewish law forbids), even microscopic aphids which one cannot see and therefore is not responsible for, is bad for the soul in some way.

I have a really hard time with metaphysical/soul/spiritual stuff, especially when it's being heaped onto me by someone else. It's just not how my brain works. Sometimes I think about and/or believe in God, but I can't grasp or accept the idea that mysterious things that I cannot perceive and would never be able to perceive (by any stretch) can affect me and be part of my being. The whole thing is pretty bizarre.

~

That said, for some reason I feel far more comfortable with the thought of Jewish men than nonjewish men, particularly in romantic terms. Oddly, I don't feel the same way about Jewish and nonjewish women.

I think it has to do with a general schism in my thought: traditional/typical/default on one side versus nontraditional/atypical/against the grain on the other, with heterosexual relationships matching up with the religious and cultural norm of marrying within the Jewish community. I *know* things don't necessarily work this way, but I almost see two distinct lifestyles - traditional and nontraditional - with little overlap. I suppose that for me, the main appeal of the Jewish lifestyle would BE its conventionality and the (perhaps) comfort of being ordinary. Judaism is not particularly rewarding or fulfilling for me in its own right, apart from it being my heritage and what I was raised with.

*I use the term "Jewishness" here rather than "Judaism" because it makes more sense and better describes what's being spoken about.

Comments

[hodyesod.livejournal.com]

I think for me there's always the suspicion that someone who isn't Jewish just can't really understand me or where I come from. I mean, how can someone who isn't Jewish understand that my personal identity is the product of millenia of Jewish ancestors? I may have no personal problem eating ham on Yom Kippur (for example) but I never feel very far from my Jewishness. It is always part of me, no matter how I approach the actual mitzvot part of Judaism.

[balmofgilead.livejournal.com]

I think I feel the same way, when it all boils down, but when I try to examine things objectively, it seems like I can't find a concrete reason why it should matter. So I play around with thinking about things theoretically.

It used to be that Jewish people were the only ones who could understand or had patience for my neuroses (either about keeping certain mitzvot, or guilt/indecision about not keeping them), so I liked being around them. I'm trying to get rid of the neurosis and do what I believe in, though.