on Yom Kippur.

[balmofgilead]

It seems illogical to atone for things I don't believe are sins.
Sure, I've made mistakes this year--too many to list, probably--but they're mistakes based on my internal value system (which is cobbled together from many sources), based on who I want to be and where I want to go in life, not based on Judaic law.

Most Jews, even secular/non-religious Jews, do something to mark Yom Kippur: they fast, they go to synagogue, they pray. I don't understand. To me, it's a charade. You want to be forgiven for doing things wrong during the year? Then try not to f*cking do them! Put your money where your mouth is. You don't believe these things are wrong? Don't believe Jewish law is valid? Don't spend a day fasting and praying for breaking it!

Orthodox people (or perhaps anyone that's affiliated with a movement or has a formal code of religious conduct), well...as much as I may not see eye to eye with them, at least they're being sincere. At least they're not being hypocritical. The atonement is for your little (or big) slip-ups that occurred while you were living a life structured around the laws. Everyone slips up. It's inevitable. But there's a difference (to give a mundane example) between "I missed the bus because I had to stop and tie my shoe," and "I missed the bus because I decided last night not to set my alarm clock to wake me up in time." Now, maybe if you tell your boss that you're sorry you missed the bus and got to work late, s/he won't know which scenario occurred. But God, well, if you believe in God, presumably you believe that God would know what your intentions have been all year. And you know.

I'll admit that I've felt awkward all day, knowing that I'm not doing anything to mark Yom Kippur, while tens of thousands of other non-religious Jews are. Why am I being different? Why am I being stubborn and difficult?

Sure, I believe in atonement. I believe in apologizing and trying to right one's wrongs. I believe in trying to better oneself and one's behavior. But I don't believe in asking God to forgive me. I don't believe in afflicting my soul (the Bible's words, not mine) or my body for 25 hours once a year to get God to like me more.

A yearly or even monthly day of reflection sounds like a good idea, sure. But is Yom Kippur the day to do it? Are the typical Yom Kippur activities good catalysts for that, in me?

Comments

[squonk.livejournal.com]

My girlfriend called me on the erev and left a message on my machine asking me for forgiveness for any sins she had committed knowingly or unknowingly against me during the year. A part of me admired her for carrying out the ritual, but admittedly, most of me thought it was a stupid thing to do. First of all, just the fact that she left a message on the machine, like, I'll have my people call your people re: forgiveness, 'kay? But primarily I just thought the ritual itself seemed so specious. Obviously I'm going to say that I forgive her, and obviously she expects that forgiveness. It doesn't mean anything, so why bother?

This is all by way of saying that I'm not marking the day, either, except perhaps by being thoughtful. But I always try to be thoughtful, so. :)

[balmofgilead.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I think by nature I don't really get into rituals for the sake of rituals, so even though it's a nice idea...yeah. I guess the idea is that without setting aside a formal time, it (apologizing, clearing things up) won't happen. It's questionable whether doing it just pro forma really means anything, I suppose. Doing it by answering machine does seem odd, though.

[tobeginagain.livejournal.com]

My frum aunt left a message on my machine *after* my YK had already started asking me to call her during her morning/my afternoon when she'd be sure to pick up the phone if she knew it was me so she could ask forgiveness. There's just so much wrong there.

That being said, how do you feel about Catholic confession? It's got the frequency you'd seem to prefer, but the whole preist-as-mediary-to-God thing always kinda throws me off.

[balmofgilead.livejournal.com]

Innnteresting. Did she know it was going to be YK already by then, or was she confused about time differences?

Catholic confession...hmm. I don't know a whole lot about it--specifically whether they propose that you use it to confess sins that involve other people, rather than apologizing directly to the person (that would seem silly to me). I could see it possibly making sense if it were for confessing sins that are "against God." Which I'm not really into believing in, ATM. If I did believe in them, I don't think I could like Catholic-style confession if I viewed the priest as an intermediary between me and God (that throws me off, too). Maybe if I'd be cool with it saw the priest as a facilitator/sounding board/catalyst for self...self-analysis, self examination, whatever.

[balmofgilead.livejournal.com]

that should be "be cool with it if I saw the priest"...

The frequency thing...mainly it's just that if I were going to set up my own regular time for soulsearching or thinking about what I'd done wrong to other people, it would seem better to do it more than just once a year.

We're so over it.

[calypso72]

I'll admit that I've felt awkward all day, knowing that I'm not doing anything to mark Yom Kippur, while tens of thousands of other non-religious Jews are. Why am I being different? Why am I being stubborn and difficult?

My SIL on the phone the other day was telling us how she and her hubby and kids were going to Yom Kippur services (even though they never go to temple otherwise - I don't even think there's a temple where they live) and she asked us when services started here. David just moved onto another subject without answering.

Re: We're so over it.

[balmofgilead.livejournal.com]

Good for you.
I'm never sure, with questions like that, if people are trying to make conversation or if they're feeling around to get a sense of where I stand/trying to make me feel guilty/trying to prompt me to be a "better Jew". Inevitably I feel somewhat guilty anyhow--clearly there's something I haven't resolved, but I can't quite get to the bottom of it.